This One Time At French Camp...

This is a story of how I unwittingly  ended up at a 3 day spading-fest in the leafy hills of Akaroa at the tender age of 14.

One day in the first term of 2006, the start of Year 11, our French class was lucky enough to have Mr Curnow grace us with his presence. Well actually we were in his classroom, since Mr Simperingham never really got his own one, and Simon just happened to be sitting at his desk. Anyway, during the class he presented us with an opportunity to go on a French immersion camp at Akaroa in the first term holidays. I quite liked the sound of this and I thought my parents would be happy to pay for it since it wasn't too costly. It was being run by very official sounding people so I thought it would probably be quite difficult, especially with the whole 'immersion' concept. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The reality was quite different- a bit like that Shakespeare appearance vs reality stuff drilled into us. There were several tell-tale signs which I should have noticed; first, they were quite keen to get as many people as possible to go, not necessarily the best students; second, Simon quite heavily stressed the fact that there would be girls there, from a couple of Canterbury schools. I think I thought he was joking, but this turned out to be a big selling point. Related to this was that consequently a large number of students in my class decided to go, several of whom were not particularly strong at French (no disrepect). Finally, our three main French teachers were all going, and I don't think they really were going for the teaching!!

Not the best movie to watch
before a plane trip!

I however was blissfully unaware and was even nervous about how I would cope with it all. I organised a special book, with the course plan glued on the inside cover, and took lots of pens etc. I packed fairly extensively, not really knowing what the weather would be like, though it turned out to be immaculate. The flight down was ok, though the night before I had watched Final Destination on tv so I tried very hard not to think about the plane scene at the start when we took off. I think I listened to a comedian on one of the in-flight channels; it all seemed quite new to me, since I hadn't been on a plane in many years. In fact it was my first trip to the South Island.

We had some downtime at the airport and people wandered off to entertain themselves; not everyone went on the same flight, so eventually we met up with the others who had arrived earlier and had gone to the International Antarctic Centre. Eventually we all piled into a bus and took a rather leisurely drive through Christchurch, stopping once to look around the square. On the bus some of the guys were watching Saw on a laptop in front of me, so I watched too. They were using headphones however and I discovered it is rather difficult to follow the train of a movie without any sound, even gruesome horror films! Sure you can tell pretty clearly what's happening, but usually the plots are so contrived you can't really make it up yourself!

Moving on, we drove out to Akaroa, a very scenic drive, and the weather was wonderful. If you have not been to Akaroa, you must know it is a very beautiful place; most of it is set upon the waterfront, with very steep hills behind, making it very picturesque. The settlement was originally French and retains many Gallic elements, hence the point of the camp being here. Our site was situated high up in the hills and though the bus drove us close to it, there was still a bit of a hike. 

The 'Alpine Lodge'

The place was called Mt Vernon Lodge and looked less like a campsite and more like an alpine resort, sans the snow. We had two A-frame units, named the 'Alpine Lodge,' for the guys and the girls had their own little bungalow up the hill; there was a larger building, the main Lodge, with a kitchen and staff accommodation. The conference room was a general purposes room where most of our activities were held.

The Kitchen in the main Lodge

We unloaded our stuff and soon enough the girls came to meet the new arrivals; from that point on, the spading never ceased. They all seemed very happy with this and got stuck into it. I was rather taken aback by all of this and kept my distance, being anti-social as ever. Soon we were summoned to a formal introduction to the course; overseeing it was one of those typical female French teachers, relatively nice if a little old. To begin with she tried to keep in the spirit of 'immersion' but this slowly eroded as time went by. We were meant to do some 'ice-breaking' activities in French, but these only served to demonstrate that most people weren't actually there for the learning. One amusing moment was when one of the guys, seeing free-range chickens in the yard, tried to say in French that he wanted to shoot them but instead intimated that he wanted to perform a lewd sexual act on one of them, as the French assistant there was quick to point out!

Yes, the Streets had
French names!

The second day was a busy one; we had what was essentially a very large scavenger hunt with a French theme. Luckily for me, someone realised I might be useful for this so I was able to tag along with one of the groups. The whole day was spent on foot and we covered a fair amount of distance indeed. Going down from the camp, we went to a rather boring museum about the French history of the region; we then walked around the bay, checking out some of the shops including a glass blowing place; we climbed the hills at one end of the bay, to find the name on some tombstone from memory- it seemed rather pointless for the amount of energy it took. We then had to get back to the other end of the bay and another hike took us up around the back and down to our camp. It was an incredible journey in the end and as someone who had never been particularly fit, I was quite happy with how I had held up!

He's not god!

That's the general idea of it, though for the most part the others weren't too interested in all the instructions. They were far more interested in talking about themselves, their lives, how great Auckland or Canterbury were and so on- you get the picture. I remember the girls going on about how much they loved Dan Carter, but I restrained myself from pointing out that he actually played rugby and talking about that. Much to my amusement, several of the girls took it upon themselves to try and convince me to be more sociable, which naturally I resisted. Some of them suggested giving me a 'make-over'- seriously, I'm not kidding! Thankfully that never eventuated! Another one said that I was 'hot' but naturally I was overcome by the absolute disingenuousness of it. In the end I decided that I would endeavour to get ahead of the rest of the group to avoid this, under the pretence of trying to reach the finish ahead of the other groups. We finished second, though I think we got (a lot) more of the answers correct!

If you haven't seen Tais-Toi!
you must as soon as possible!

After that very long day we had a more relaxing afternoon/evening. We probably did some more French activities but to be honest those were the least memorable part of the trip! In our down time, we often sat around in one of our 'chalets' and talked and talked. I developed a reputation for creating awkward silences; I wouldn't try but whatever I seemed to say it never went down well! I found it quite funny actually. That evening we watched the classic French comedy Tais-Toi! which everyone seemed to enjoy. 

Mr Simperingham, who is a pretty fit and agile guy, decided he would go on early morning runs, to take in the scenery and benefit from the steep slopes. A couple of the guys- whether to impress anyone or just for fitness reasons- decided they would join him. I quite enjoyed seeing them when they came back, because they obviously weren't quite up to our teacher's standards. On our third day, we had to develop some sort of group activity to present to everyone that evening. From a number of choices, my group chose to write and perform a play about the settling of Akaroa. 

But it was a budget one
which only went up to 999

Of course when I say 'my' group, it wasn't quite like that; I was included in the group because I could do a lot of the work, and I did. Initially everyone tried to pitch in and contribute ideas; however as time went by, people lost interest and I ended writing at least 3/4 of the play. I didn't really mind this, since my approach to group activities is always to do as much of it as possible to make sure it's done my way! I remember someone had one of those counters which you clicked with your thumb, going up to 999 and while I worked on the play I set about trying to click it 1000 times, which I indeed did. Seemed a bit silly in the end. 

The handwriting at the start
belongs to two girls but after a
third of the page the rest is mine

The play was indeed a masterpiece and the script still survives; I won't recount the whole thing, but there were some funny parts. At the start point the French Captain meets a Maori Chief and begins to speak in monosyllables as if he were a Neanderthal, at which point the Maori says 'Frankly, Captain, I speak very good French!' Some funny scenes included a mock signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, where the Maori say how much the love Britain and want to live under her rule; the British calls their cheif 'mon ami Maori,' which sounded actually quite funny when the play was performed.  Though it was a perfectly reasonable play, it was lined with more than just a little sarcasm.

Not quite this formal!

Having written all of this myself, it still needed to be performed by the group, which meant I had to rely on the others who had become seriously bored with it. However, we managed to practise a few times. That evening we had a very formal sit-down dinner, followed by the group presentations; one group made a website about Akaroa, which was obviously the work of only one of them; another group sang the song 'Why does love do this to me' in French. Well at least the chorus, 'je ne sais pas, porquoi' etc. I was a bit annoyed since they really didn't put any effort in it compared to ours! Our play went pretty well, stuffing up only one time, which was pretty good all things considered. I was happy and was pretty sure it had showed up the other groups, to anyone who cared!

That night, people had planned a big 'party' up at the girls' chalet. I was rather wary of this, and though I did go to have a look around, I think I made a point of going to bed early.. but that's typical of what I was like then (and probably now too!). I'm not too sure what people got up to that evening though rumours flew about the next morning; Simon had apparently caught Sam playing 'secret squirrel,' as he called it, outside his room late at night, a description I find hilarious. There were more rumours, but I guess what happens on camp stays on camp!

We packed and went to the French fair down by the bay; this was quite large and extravagant, with games, performers, crepes, petanque, lollies and much more. I also went to an antiques shop across the road. Following that, we walked across the bay to a little café and had brunch. A couple of the girls who were still trying to 'convince' me that I should be more sociable wrote their phone numbers on the receipt and gave it to me. I was more amused than anything at the time, doubly so when I found it in a box of mine some 4 years later.

In the end, I took away many memories from the trip. The whole unexpected social nature had thrown me completely and as usual, I had been a complete idiot about it and was upset about that. But it was pretty fun and not bad for my French. I also took away several nice pens and lots of Akaroa bumper stickers, most of which I lost when I cleverly decided to stick them to the side of my canvas luggage bag. These sticker has AKAROA on it and then they had different things underneath such as 'for adventure' or 'for fine wine;' we got several of the latter to give to Mr Curnow, whom they suited very nicely! I also managed to steal the key for the room, though not intentionally, and somehow I didn't find it again for several years by which stage I figured it would be too late to return it! 

So there you have it, that's how I ended up in the middle of 3 day spading marathon.